Fix You
by VikingsDoItBetter
Summary: I tricked you into loving me. One shot


_Jessica POV_

I'm sorry; I couldn't help it. I never meant to change you but it did. I wouldn't have hurt you, the both of you, if I had some fucking self control. And now, I'm carrying on like none of that mattered ever.

My head's so messed up right now I don't know what's even real anymore.

I stand here in Bill's remodeled house in front of the roaring fire, not that I get cold. I stare into the flames dancing in hopes some spark there will hold the answers for me. I've caused so much trouble I don't know what to do.

I'm seventeen for Christ's sake; seventeen forever. Trapped in this permanent state of beauty and confusion not only for myself but for every human I ever come across again. I bet this was so much easier when you had to leave everyone and everything you ever knew. You had to stop being human, unlike now we just play along and blend in.

I look back to the box Jason brought to me; full of all the things that Hoyt couldn't keep near him; all those things that made he and I we.

And there it was: its cover practically laughing at me. I walk over to the box and take out the book in question. I turn my nose up in disgust. Bella didn't have these problems; Edward could control his thirst.

Vamps in real life are nothing like these watered down versions. And we don't get happy endings.

Without a second thought, I toss the book onto the fire. Like the romance between the covers, the pages start with a slow burn and before long the flames engulf them completely. I take out the iron poker and push the bigger pieces around hoping to finish it quickly.

"Jessica, you shouldn't be playing with a fire. It's dangerous for us."

Bill, or should I say, his Majesty leans against the wall. My maker who never wanted to be a part of my life until Sookie disappeared last year. I guess advice is advice no matter when you get it.

"Sure, just getting rid of something. Sorry." I smile to cover the deep hurt I can feel surging through my system.

Which means Bill can feel it too, "Jessica, I know I haven't…"

"Just stop, okay? Look, Bill….I'm just really confused right now and I need to sort it out for myself. I know you'll be here for me when I'm ready to talk about all of it. If I do."

He walks over to me and takes my hands. He can make me feel better with one touch, always.

Pretty cool, huh?

He pulls me in for a hug, "Forgive yourself Jessica. You are still so young and youth is meant for mistakes. I will always have a place for you and I love you, as any father should."

I blink back the tears. Plus it's so gross when I cry, "Thanks. I just…I need to be alone right now. Please?"

"As you wish, however, I would like some of the guards to follow you if that's alright?"

"I take that to mean I'm going to be watched and that I don't have a choice."

He kisses my forehead and laughs, "Will you be going to ground with me tomorrow?"

"Yeah…I think I'd like that."

"Then have a pleasant walk. The sky is lovely this evening."

I muster as much of a smile as I can. I don't think it's very convincing anyways. I walk out onto the porch and take in the world around me. It's still weird to me how everything at night is as clear as day once was to me.

Everything's different; I'm not the only thing that changed.

I begin walking toward the cemetery. I think I heard someone say it was one of the oldest ones in Louisiana. Even Bill is buried, well there's a tombstone for him there. At least his family had someplace to mourn him.

Makes me think about Momma and Eden…. I don't Daddy would ever let them accept me as I am now. I know now that going to see them was a mistake. And again, someone had to clean up the mess I made.

What did Bill make them think? I bet he made them forget me all together, like I never existed. Maybe it'd be better that way. They wouldn't have to keep on in hope pretending that I would come home. Or having to pretend to bury me so they would have a grave to visit.

I don't know what's worse: them not knowing about what happened to me or them thinking I never existed at all.

I guess it doesn't really matter for them. I'll always remember them. I'll never forget anyone I've met.

Why couldn't I have known Hoyt when I was alive? Not that Daddy would have ever let me out of the house….but Hoyt's a good guy. He's honest, kind-hearted, and generous. He deserves more out of life then being stuck with a dead girlfriend.

Even Jason is good. He doesn't think so but I can see it in him. He's got this light about him; I can't explain it. Maybe that's what draws me to him.

Could be I'm drawn to goodness.

….just like Bill.

I guess Eric and Pam were right. Progenies turn out like their makers. I mean, Pam is a great vampire. She's just like Eric; smart, vicious, and ruthless. And I bet he didn't pass her off on her first night.

My own daddy didn't want me; it would be reasonable that the vampire equal wouldn't want me either. Bill made it clear that I was a punishment and he couldn't stand that sight of me. It was like he didn't care what happened to me at all. So I got stuck figuring it out for myself.

That worked out.

To be fair, we kind of reached an understanding. We need each other. It's like we're the same even though we were born like hundreds of years apart. We've got so much about us that is scared and lonely. So much of us that doesn't want to lose what is human in us.

Parts of us that know we're monsters; killers that don't bat an eye at death. We've both killed for fun.

And I kinda like it.

I've been walking a familiar path in the woods; to the little house that Hoyt rented for us. I stand in the shadows and look at him through the window. I know it hurts him; I can feel it. It breaks my heart. Not only did I crush him, I took up with his best friend. I should have known Jason would be honest with Hoyt. That's what real love is about, courage. Jason had the strength to take what I couldn't. Again proving how bad I am for Hoyt. I tried to lie about what was going on; it only made it worse when the truth came out.

I destroyed his life in a matter of days.

I can't bear to see him like this. He deserves better.

I gather my strength and knock on the door.

I knock a second time. Please God, just let me make it right.

When he finally opens up, I watch his face. It washes over with hurt and anger, "What the fuck do you want monster?"

"Hoyt, I need to talk to you."

"You lost all rights to that when you slept with my former best friend."

He tries to shut the door, "Hoyt. Please. Just let me speak my peace. I know I don't deserve it but….you deserve to know why."

He leans in the frame, "I'm not inviting you in."

"I understand."

"Then talk Jess. Explain to me the logic in how we went from being so in love that you got bored. How the love I gave you, not to mention the blood, wasn't enough for you! How you thought it would a great plan to screw my best friend! How could you do that Jessica! How could you do that to me!"

"I could never say I'm sorry enough."

"You got that right."

Here goes everything, "Hoyt. Look at me please. I want you to believe what I'm saying to you."

His eyes meet mine and I have to fight the tears. And then, let it all go. I hate glamouring him but it's the only way.

"Hoyt, I can never tell you how sorry I am. I know I hurt you."

"You did. I still love you Jess; I can't help that."

"I can. Hoyt, what you and I had was a fantasy. I tricked you into loving me. I made you believe it because I thought it would be fun for me to have a pet. I never loved you. Only problem was I couldn't keep it up anymore. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. Here's what I want you to do: forget all the good things about us. It's all a lie. Go to bed and when you wake up tomorrow morning, it won't hurt anymore. I want you to be happy; to find a great girl…to get married and have kids. Can you do that for me?"

"Anything for you."

"One more thing: make up with Jason. It's not his fault. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Say good-bye, Hoyt."

"Good-bye Jessica."

That door shutting was the most painful sound on the planet. It broke me.

I cried the whole walk back. I keep telling myself I did the right thing. Making him believe the lie is what's best for him. He needs his life back. He needs to be that sweet, innocent Hoyt again.

Giving it back to him is the right thing.

I quietly walk back into Bill's house. I can't bear to let Bill see me like this; I go upstairs and clean myself up. I take the longest shower ever; I put on some fresh clothes and go downstairs.

Bill doesn't say anything. He just silently watches as I lay down.

I let the exhaustion set in. I somehow keep the tears back.

I hear him sit down beside me. He pulls my hair off my face, "I trust you've taken care of whatever you needed to."

Lie for all your worth, "Yep."

"Jessica….I know things between you and Hoyt didn't end well…do you know how he is? Do you care?"

"I do care. He's doing okay…and he'll be doing even better tomorrow."

I can finally believe that last.


End file.
